Brothers and Sisters: Jessica - despite obstacles she blossomed
“Jessica has a brother with a severe intellectual disability… despite obstacles she found ways to blossom.
Jessica in the past was always a little apprehensive whenever one of her friends came home with her and was happier visiting her friends at their place. That way she avoided the anxious worry of what might happen with her brother and how her friends may react. At school, Jessica was interested to hear about other families and how they lived. In many different ways, Jessica felt her family was different and just wanted to know about ‘normal’ families.
Sorting out potential friends based on whether they would be accepting of her brother was a litmus test for unsuspecting school friends who were never quite ready. The test began the moment they met her brother and depending upon their response, would determine whether they became her friend.
It was not fair in many ways having a brother with a disability. For Jessica, it has been a tough silent time. Her brother’s disability influenced Jessica in many different ways and played a big part in shaping her to be the person she is today.
Jessica has come through that time in her own way. Her experience with having a brother with a disability has influenced her development. She has become a mature, responsible and tolerant person. Growing up with her brother has provided her with a greater capacity to understand people and particularly, empathy for vulnerable people. Where people are experiencing hardship, Jessica has shown concern and genuine desire to do something about it.
Jessica’s real education was in many ways about life in the intense lane. She had no choice but to grow up with responsibility from an early age and felt accountable for someone who on many occasions was out of control. Learning to defend a ‘brother-in-need’ and at the same time learning to compromise her needs. There were many times when Jessica felt it was not right to complain or to want things that may have competed with her brother’s needs. She learnt to wait in line and perhaps on those occasions, may have felt she was less important and deep down inside may have felt second best.
It was a time when a young girl learnt to grow up feeling responsible for another person. It was also a time when she had to make sense of her world through intuition and maturity beyond her age.”
Lessons learned
There are times when a brother or sister does not to cope with their sibling’s disability, feel less important, resent family activities being curtailed and feel responsible for their sibling.
Despite the challenges of caring for a sibling with a disability, many brothers and sisters have positively benefited from the experience. It is likely that a brother or sister will develop into a mature, responsible and tolerant person, particularly towards vulnerable people.