Stress: Sally - a time when it was easier not to do too much
“It was a time when it was easier not to do too much, stay at home, try to make the best of things and make it through the day. Taking Sally anywhere was a risk. She may run away, hit other people, scream or have a seizure. It was hard enough to manage Sally at home; it was unbelievably harder whenever we went anywhere.
My stress levels were managed by finding ways to cope: ‘Pretend it is not really happening’, ‘Be super defensive if any one dare mention the situation’, ‘Convince yourself that everyone else had a problem’, and ‘Nobody else knows what to do except me.’
To do the ordinary, like going shopping was a challenge beyond belief. Shopping for the weekly groceries was usually done by flying through the shopping aisles. Sally would be placed in a shopping trolley, piling groceries about her as we went up and down the aisles. I believed that the quicker the shopping was done, the less likely there would be a problem. It was sort of a high-speed distraction technique, no time to think, just keep moving. I thought that flashing past the shelves would distract Sally and keep her entertained. Sort of like a kaleidoscope of colour mixed with continuous movement.
I would curse other people under my breath if they got in the way or slowed down our progress up and down the aisles.
I would think to myself… ‘Why do all these old people have to shop on Saturdays, they have the rest of the week to go shopping… I don’t.’
I would inwardly complain about the cashier taking too long. I thought, ‘They need experienced people to be a cashier… these young kids are just too slow.’
All these people were the problem and flying through the shopping with a large child in a trolley was perfectly Okay.
Okay.”
Lessons learned
Parents often fail to recognise they are stressed and need to objectively assess their circumstances and make gradual effective changes.
Parents have felt that an admission of being stressed is associated with failure; it seems that stress and failure are inexplicably woven together.
The pressure to live a 'normal' family life is intense and is a major contributor towards raising stress levels.
Unless stress is managed, it will strain family unity and increase dysfunction. The dynamics of the situation is likely to bind parents closer together or drive them apart.